Tuesday, September 27, 2016

No Regrets, Disability Be Damned

One of my life’s mantras is No Regrets. Sure, it’s cliché, but I never wanted to look back on missed opportunities and wonder What If. But when I was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis, that mantra collided with an incurable disease and it made me pause. Maybe I should take a pass more often for my health. Maybe I should live more conservatively. Maybe I should take fewer risks. So in that first year, when the enormity of coping with MS mentally was at its crescendo, I did. And I passed up a once-in-a-lifetime experience that haunts me to this day.

Now I could point to the missed opportunity to ride horses with Laura on a Mexican beach that year … when I was certain the headline in the following day’s paper was going to read Founder of ActiveMSers Dies in Freak Horse Accident. Or I could point to the missed opportunity that year to try surfing for the first time (similarly, Founder of ActiveMSers Perishes in Freak Surfing Accident). At the time, freak accidents seemed almost a given if I strayed from the safety of curling into a ball feeling sorry for myself. But no, these regrets pale to what happened in Las Vegas on November 1, 2006.

The location: SEMA, the invitation-only, over-the-top aftermarket car show that the Fast and the Furious movie franchise was essentially built around. The scene: the high-performance drifting track hazy with tire smoke and an unfortunate engine fire. The situation: As editor-in-chief of a Nissan magazine, I was being introduced to owners of souped up sports cars. But one owner had his own personal tractor beam and fan base: supermodel Tyson Beckford, at the time Ralph Lauren’s leading man.

I’ll admit my man crush was instantaneous. I remember the moment—the clothes, the handshake, the frighteningly good looks, piercing eyes, and epic jaw—as though it had happened yesterday. We talked cars. We talked drifting. I admired his modified 350Z. Tyson then handed me a small leather box (and I can say Tyson because by then we were basically on a first-name basis, at least in my head). Inside, on a bed of felt, was a gold access card. He had just invited me to his exclusive private party that he was hosting that night. Me.

How could I possibly go to a party that started well after my bedtime? How could I possibly go to such a party when I exuded about as much coolness as a pair of used lime-green Crocs. How? But there was a bigger problem, or so I thought: I had multiple sclerosis. I was disabled. I should play it safe, get my eight hours of sleep, and floss to prevent tooth decay.

So I never showed up.

Tyson Beckford. Photo by Jesse Gross.
More than two thirds of those diagnosed with MS are women, and I would hope right now that all of you are yelling at your computer screen calling me an idiot. For that matter, the guys, too. You all would be right. That party, I imagine, would have been epic, like the Hangover without the drunk wedding, naked Chinese dude, and Mike Tyson. Check that, Mike might have been there. And there might have been a tiger in the bathroom. The point is, I’ll never know.

There’s a valuable lesson here. No matter what your disability, don’t let it rule your life. Don’t let it dictate your every move. Don’t just play it safe. If you do, some of life’s most priceless moments will pass by like the sun fading into the horizon. Or a Tyson Beckford rager. From that day on I resurrected my mantra—No Regrets, MS be damned. And I haven’t regretted it since.